The waiting game

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This short story is a sister to the commentary, “Standing at a Crossroads.” To gather context into the metaphorical crossroads and more details about the ultimate announcement, click HERE.

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Fellow soon-to-be-college-graduates, I wonder if you can relate to this short story. I’m sure you’ve heard or lived a similar version.
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In August, I entered my final year of college. The year of finishing touches, lists, spreadsheets, daydreaming, and downward spirals. The time I asked, “How did I get here already?” after years of saying, “I can’t wait to be done.”  

And then sometime (I can’t pinpoint when), a flag went up: it was time I knew all of my plans. But I didn’t know! Where were the warnings or the heads-up? Wouldn’t it be nice to get a notice in the mail saying, “Dear Miss Hesterman, this is your two-week notice about all future decisions. Please have your response prepared by this deadline.” 

(These societal deadlines, unfortunately, begin around a child’s fifth birthday. There are no warning signs of when a child should know their career goals; when a high-school freshman is sure of where they want to go to college; and when a junior decides what they want to study. You get where I’m going with this.)

Then, as the weather cools and the leaves change, an image crept into my mind. I’m standing at a crossroads in a dark, foggy wood. I try to shine a light down both paths, but the fog blocks me from seeing the conclusion. 

Let’s step back into reality for some clarity. The fall is the season of action and development; college seniors act on their plans, spreadsheets, and lists. Grad school applications, interviews, internships – taking those first steps towards independence beyond the university halls. Nervous attempts to forge paths in the foggy wood.

Behind the scenes, I patiently crafted another road: a dazzling possibility. In the spring of last year, I took the first step in bringing a dream to life. My admission into the waiting game aligned with the arrival of fall. The submitted application meant the choice was out of my hands. In my free time, I prayed that the people on the other side saw me as more than a name or number. Instead, I wished they saw me as a complex human – one with community contributions and a love for learning. 

January came swiftly but passed slowly. I eagerly checked my email daily. “When would it be halftime?” I wondered. Will a reply mean more waiting or an early end to the game?

When the reply arrived – “Congratulations on your semi-finalist status”-- I screamed and shook with childish excitement. I was one step closer to making my dream my reality. For a moment, I could see farther down that dazzling road. And I held on to that moment with glee and blissful joy. “They saw me!” I whispered. “I can’t believe it!”.

Much too soon, the waiting game resumed. Over the next month, I began researching and seeking connections with other semi-finalists: my teammates in the waiting game. At this point, there was not much else I could control. But I was relieved to find guidance from an old classmate and community in online chatrooms.

Through this platform, my teammates and I connected over the same question: “When will we hear back? What’s next?”. And outside this community, of course, I was being asked the same question: “What’s next?”. I struggled to articulate a simple response. How could I describe my plans when there were two possibilities?

Ok, back to the waiting game. Fast forward to the first week of April! By this time, I’d interviewed with a decision board, my last opportunity to influence any final decision. The chatrooms waited impatiently for an update. Each day, it became harder to answer “Not yet” when someone inquired, “Have you heard anything?”.

But on my last day of student teaching, surrounded by my colleagues and my parents (on a phone call), I shakily opened the letter with the breathtaking words, “We are pleased to congratulate you on your selection.” The fog lifted. The waiting game was over. 

(Well. . .I should say that one round of the waiting game is over. The second round has already begun. Now, I must wait until my program begins next March. Instead of twiddling my thumbs in anticipation for a year, I will set more plans in motion. Until my departure, I plan to work as a substitute teacher in Duluth, work part time, and complete a Teaching English as a Foreign Language course. With that being said, let the job applications commence!)

. . .

Fellow soon-to-be-college-graduates, please share your exciting news and plans in the comments. Spread some good news in a world that often filled with sadness, disappointment, and hate. I encourage you to share your experiences playing "the waiting game" if you feel comfortable. I hope this post resonates with your experience waiting for that life-altering final decision.

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Read "Standing at a crossroads"!

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